Traveling is a Must!

Traveling is a Must!

by | May 10, 2020 | Life Experience, Self Care, Travel

I love the Ocean. I love water would be a better statement. I however do not like swimming in the Ocean, at least not deep. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined taking a Boat or Catamaran or any other floating vessel out into the Ocean, yet I have had plenty of experiences to be out in the middle of the Oceans and Rivers. I have been to Hawaii. I have been up and down the Coasts of the United States. I have even visited a Natural Spring that dumped millions of gallons of water out in the middle of nowhere state of Missouri. I would have not ever found or discovered this place on my own. In fact, someone else had to take me and I try to tell people to go visit this place if ever given the opportunity. Travelling is an addiction. It can be a passion. It is refreshing and Life changing. You will meet people that you did not ever think you would and learn things from the places you visit. Travelling should be mandatory well over ever going to College. Some of my best learning has been through travelling. 

I do have a couple of ‘different’ or favorite places to visit, including going to Day Spas. Yes, you heard me, Day Spas. What does a Day Spa have to do with travelling? I think that when people go on Vacations, that sometimes they frequent Day Spas and get massages, facials to help clear your skin and refresh and rejuvenate the wear and tear from working too much and too hard and the toxins that may get on your skin, to getting Body wraps, or having steam showers. Day Spas truly are a vacation. You do not even have to leave the City that you live in because most cities have Day Spas and I have been to some really good ones. 

I am extremely grateful for the opportunities I got to travel. Three other places I didn’t ever dream that I would ever get to go, where to Victoria, Canada, British Columbia and Whistler-Blackholm Canada, which was somewhat close to Victoria, Canada. There was nothing as majestic as seeing the Landscape and how well people in Canada really love and appreciate their homeland and how well maintained it was. The scenery was better than anything you could ever see in a picture. You have to see it with your own eyes, and to me it was indescribable. I was able to ski the mountains in Whistler and was also able to tour the majestic Butchart Gardens near Victoria. My second favorite place I had the honor and pleasure of visiting was Maui, Hawaii. Oh my goodness, BREATHTAKING and most of the island to me smelled of tropical plants and fruit. Well, at least most of Maui did. The Natives were warm and welcoming and they seemed to really love where they were from, being an Islander. I would not want to live there for the long-term however because well, I’m going to be honest, I would totally get “Island fever”. People who have moved there describe it as ‘missing the mainland’ and I suppose after you explore the entire Island, one may become bored or miss exploring other places. This is just a matter of opinion though. There are still PLENTY of people on the Islands that LOVE it, cherish it and wind up staying for a while. My third and final place that I visited that I will not ever forget was Southern Italy. Wow! I felt like I was transported back in time like a couple hundred years back. It was amazing to see old structures still standing and some not standing. Italy had a richness about it. It also had a distinct smell to it as well, no matter where I travelled to while I was there. It made me appreciate what I had in America much more. I believe all my travels have made me appreciate something that I may have had, whether we lose something or are able to gain or add to our experiences. To me travelling just adds more Joy, experience and richness to our Lives. One can not trade these memories ever!!! <3 

 

Living in Heaven

Living in Heaven

by | Apr 10, 2020 | Life Experience, Living Your Dreams

There is nothing in the World that is more calming yet scary than water. Water gives me a Sense of Safety and yet also signifies challenge. My memory of the first time I laid eyes on a Body of water was when I lived in the Country on the Potomac River in Virginia. There was nothing as peaceful and serene as the stillness of it and the sunrises and sunsets on it. My father had hung a swing on a tree branch and right above a slight incline that took us down to the dock and small beach on the water that was in front of our house. If you swung too high and tried to jump, you would surely roll down it. Luckily, neither myself nor anyone else who swung on it had the misfortune of falling off. The Country River house was the definition of every bit of Safety to me. For the most part, I had good friends and went to a good School and had good teachers. 

Nothing can prepare a young ten year old to ever have to leave her Safety. My father had symptoms of a heart attack from having “Heart disease” which would lead to his first Bypass surgery and we were forced to move to the City. Things happened so quickly. Occasionally however, we did get to go back down to the River for a little getaway or to gain back some Serenity and Peace. So, when we first moved to the City; my mother, sister and father were all living together in a two-bedroom in one of my father’s apartment Buildings. One of my brothers was in College and the other was in his last year of High School, I believe, so they did not have to endure living there as long as my sister and I had. Luckily, about a year or two later (as my memory can remember), my father finally bought us a house in the City at a really good rate. 

Our second home was fantastic. My mother put on many parties and events there. Her side of the family and friends of families of the Daycare my mother helped run for about nine years near our home would come over. There was not ever a dull moment in this house that I lived in. My mother kept that house running for a little over twenty years. It blows my mind to think about all that we lived through there. It is almost like a blur to me. I drive by it once or twice a year, and always see an image of my father walking away from me when I was twenty-three and had just started dating military men. I have to laugh, as I believe he was angry and jealous of the news that his first born daughter was choosing a different path in Life. I do not miss that home and honestly do not miss the Country home either. When people say, we start New Chapters, we REALLY do, and don’t ever look back! 

Heaven has a different definition for each of us. My heaven was anywhere I may not have had to deal with not being seen or even heard. Heaven was getting away from gossip, conflict, judgment, false blame and guilt, and told I was not doing things good enough. Heaven was staying in my room in our second house listening to music, fantasizing about movie celebrities and writing in my Journal. Music was my Saving Grace. Music was my Lifeline. Music spoke volumes to me and it brought me so much Love, Joy, and comfort I needed during my Parents divorce. Heaven comes in many forms. 

When I was younger living in our second family home in the City, I often imagined and dreamed of being able to “Get Away” or to travel more with someone; whether it be a male companion or friends. I had not ever imagined in my wildest dreams that I would actually get to have travelled all due to and thanks to meeting people in the Military. My first and only husband and I wound up doing ‘just that’. He gave me the opportunity to travel. Not that I had not already had the experience of travelling to Europe in 1997. I did not or had not met my now ex-husband until the following year after I had travelled to Italy to meet another Love interest I had at the time. 

Beyond my wildest dreams Only like it happens in fairy tales, namely like in the book “Cinderella”, would I have ever imagined my first and Only marriage partner, ever buying me/us, a home. It was my third Heaven. Heaven defining a ‘home’, a Safe place to live. Some place I could remember forever. Call me a dreamer. Call me spoiled. Call me Selfish, yet We are all allowed to have our own dreams, whether it be a home or a dream of accomplishing something we’re proud at  something we’re working towards. I am extremely lucky and fortunate to have had GREAT places to live. My heaven! 

There are many, many other places I can say that were Heaven to me. Places I’ve travelled to. There is nothing that can make you forget the images and scenery you remember for a Lifetime. Pictures to me don’t ever justify what you remember in your minds-eye, NOT EVER!!! 

My Parents were Angels, Oh My!

My Parents were Angels, Oh My!

by | Apr 10, 2020 | Life Experience, Parenting, Relationships

So many people may talk badly about their parents; things and/or Love that their parents did not give them. I have been one of these people. My parents were perfectly imperfect and they had a lot of flaws. My mother was and is a bully, a gossiper, toxic as in being manipulative or afraid to ask directly for what she needed out of fear of being told No or being rejected, codependent, a wanna-be perfectionist, self-righteous (in the religious sense even, SCARY!). She was unable to learn, Grow, change to be in more stable loving relationships, and she did not trust the people she needed to trust the most and trusted some people that she should not have trusted. She was not ever extremely vulnerable, not overly honest about how things or people made her feel, and did not share her early Life experiences growing up to help others grow or learn. She was ashamed of exposing the worst things that ever happened to her. I love honesty. I love learning experiences about a person’s Life, whether good or bad. I try not to judge as she has judged other people and even judged herself in a negative manner. I love positive people. 

My father was extremely prejudiced and judgmental as well. He was an extremely hard and diligent worker, yet he was verbally abusive. He degraded anyone who may have tried to get ahead, especially if he was kind enough to allow you into his World or  have a friendship with you. He made subtle jokes about others as well. I had put my father on a Pedestal for so long and that was only because he financially provided for our family but was not able to truly respect his children or even his wife/my mother. My father felt inferior to others, as did my mother. My mother was extremely competitive with others and I didn’t ever hear her Praise or support anyone who ever made an effort to provide or to make something of their lives, be it a female or a male. She was more apt to put down women however. I think it’s a trait or habit that was learned from her mother and her brothers sadly and it truly disappointed me that she and my father were both the way they were. There was nothing I could do for them. I could only try to figure out what I could do for myself and it’s taken a while for me to do that. 

So here is the sweet part. There are No two people on this Planet that have ever been there for me more in a financial sense than my parents. This makes them ANGELS in my eyes. Not to say I haven’t had other people in my Life that did not come close. My first husband came VERY close. Oh wait, that reminds me that some people are truly able to Love greater than others. My ex-husband was very much positive and motivating unlike it seemed my parents may have been on a 24/7 basis. Remember, I am a positivity addict. I am laughing at myself because I really am. Let me tell you something, there is NOTHING better than a Judgment & self-awareness Detox!!! My parents could have used this. Truth. 

The only other time I remember Angels coming into my Life is when I attended a Church out in Seattle, Washington. I met a great older couple that used to take me out to dinner once a week and occasionally give me rides to places if I needed them and they lent me an ear if I needed to talk. ANGELS!, They do exist. They are once in a Lifetime. The other Angels were from the Church I attended a few years ago. I had joined a Group of women who had prayed for me and each other constantly and little miracles would happen around me. It was good while it lasted. I needed a change and I certainly took one after this group of women were together for a couple of years. 

I wish that my parents had taught or provided a better example for their children/my siblings to love one another better, yet somehow I became a major enemy to them. I was the main Scapegoat, so that others did not have to face the truth of their own faults or insecurities. Needless to say, I had to do major reflection and Research about what was happening? Why was I being abused and accused? Why was I the one Always at fault? I get it now. It’s because of their own judgments of themselves for trying so hard to be ‘Perfect’, so hard to be make something of themselves or feelings of inadequacies and it was just easier to blame me and make me look like it was “Just me” that was imperfect, not doing enough. I am rolling my eyes. I’VE COME A LONG WAY! My Angels were Angels in a certain Light, yet they were not in others. I hope everyone encounters their own Angels, better Angels. Everyone deserves someone! 

Perhaps Interview people who believe in Angels, especially Angels that are in the form of Humans. 

Love me, how?

Love me, how?

by | Apr 10, 2020 | Life Experience, Relationships, Self Development, Self Improvement

    I know a few people who seem to be afraid of the word Love, or to love someone because they may be too busy loving themselves, or even to be loved by someone. You may ask ‘Why’, or I thought everyone wanted to be loved? I believe some people Love so much and so hard, that eventually they get tired of Loving. For me personally, I don’t want to ever not ‘Love’, yet I want to Love myself more now! I do not want to ‘People please’ any longer, or if I do, I want to do it to a Limit, or mostly for my work. Some people also think as giving Love as conditional, that everyone is expecting something back. Their way of being loved may be expected by their partners, or even their family and friends. I believe this is a partial truth, otherwise you are completely being used. 

    I have read the book, “The Five Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman, and it is a phenomenal and not ever more true book. I have also read countless relationship books, that almost seemed to say that relationships can eventually be one-sided. A good relationship must be autonomous and interdependent, not co-dependent. Both people need to be providing for themselves in order for it to be a stable enough union. I have been in numerous relationships in the past twelve years that wound up me being the major giver. Call me selfish. Call me conceited. Call me whatever, yet that’s how it happened for me. Maybe some people can related to this?! I do not ever want to be in a Codependent relationship again, where one person believes they can help or ‘fix’ the other person when they are struggling, only to have a sense of being ‘On Top of the World’, or proud of oneself for loving or giving so much to this other person, NO THANKS!!! 

    So what is the remedy or solution to making any relationship work? We must Learn and know the other person’s Love Language. I have found out what every person in my Life’ Love Language is, and I am going to be honest and vulnerable. I ABSOLUTELY cannot love these people. Their love language is mostly action. A few people in my life can handle ‘Words of Affirmation’, and that is good enough for them. Others like Quality time with one another. 

    I’m not expecting anything by sharing my top Love Languages. To me they are simple—kind, motivating, encouraging, uplifting supporting words, spending quality time by actually communicating and talking about various things, going out places (Oh no, spending money?!) and also giving and receiving Gifts. They don’t have to be extravagant Gifts, yet I still appreciate being thought of. I will admit that I have given gifts to a lot of people I have loved. I have never been appreciated or ‘hit the mark’ with them. I call these people ‘pretentious’ and have to have the best of everything, specifically from specific people at times. I am laughing and rolling my eyes. When people cannot be loved, it’s time to leave. I don’t mean to sound negative or cynical, yet it’s true. You could try most of your Life, turn blue in the face, and expend all your energy trying to please these people, and you won’t ever succeed sadly. Mostly these people will Only be able to Love and give to themselves. RUN like the wind from these people!!! I am speaking from experience!!! 

   I just talked to my sister and it’s evident that she absolutely will not allow just anyone into her World. Are all Christians that way? Do some people truly limit the amount of Love that they receive? Are people all about just loving themselves once they have done it for so long? To anyone who is trying so hard to get someone to allow you into their World or to be loved by someone: PLEASE look in the mirror and say right then and there, “I WILL LOVE MYSELF and not wait for an f’n Soul or other person to love me!” Say it! Mean it! Live it! If you think this is Selfish, so be it. It’s time to step out of other people’s Shadows and not be a People-pleaser!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Always TRY again!

Always TRY again!

by | Apr 10, 2020 | Life Experience, Self Development

I had mentioned in the Chapter about ‘‘Big Dreams…” that I often wanted to do what others may have been doing Career wise; although, I still somewhat stuck to my own Goals & Dreams of staying with being an Entrepreneur or Small Business owner. I disliked myself when I felt like I didn’t have the fire under my feet or the ability to focus on skill sets I may have needed for any one particular type of Job or Career. One of my brothers had told me, I would know when something was Right for me. It was the most positive thing anyone had ever said to me. Nonetheless, I still tried so many different avenues to see where and what I may have enjoyed and where I could serve and really give my all and passions to. I tried two trade Schools of both being a Travel Agent and being a Masseuse. I remember just as I was offered two Jobs in the travel Industry that I had already signed up for the AirForce in early 1998. I did not ever go back into the Travel Industry even though later I had thought I wanted to work for a Cruise Line. I had to have good management skills under my wings before I went to sea. My other trade that I pursued twice was becoming a Masseuse. The second Massage School I wound up attending, I wound up hurting my wrist and it still has aches and pains occasionally. I promise I am getting somewhere with all these experiences. There was a huuuuuge gap between the time I had left the Massage School in 2007 until it came to me like a Bolt of lightning that I needed to start writing a Self-development (and Memoir) book using all my experiences, trials, obstacles that I had faced. No matter what, I felt like I could BEGIN AGAIN! I had a few good ideas come to me to go back to School for Hospitality Management in mid-2014. I wound up attending College for a year and had a major Anxiety attack at the start of my second year. I had no one to talk to other than my mother about whether I wanted to go back. She tried to encourage me to go back, yet I had the idea of writing my Book and starting my own Business in the middle of my mind.  Wow, I didn’t realize that until right this VERY moment. I suppose I’m just realizing that four years after I had stopped College, I am PROUD of myself for FINALLY beginning again!!! 

At the end of 2019, I had about thirteen different creative Business ideas or small, short-term ventures I could try for. I needed to shorten the list because it was overwhelming. I finally chose two or three to REALLY focus on! Who says none of us can begin again? A person is truly Blessed if they can even get an idea to start their own Business. I have met so many people who had absolutely No idea of what they could do to make money or have a sustainable, successful, happy Life. We all deserve it!!! 

I owe a lot of thanks to certain people I followed on Instagram and YouTube for Coaching, motivating, encouraging me, helping me stay grounded and Wise-minded. To really try to learn and plan for how I would get to the next steps and Levels, things can take time and months to plan. I’ve been working EXTREMELY hard to get to the next Step. Learning new things is at the forefront of Success. THERE IS NO GETTING around not learning! It is a must! FOCUS can be difficult when you have other distractions, yet I am a firm believer, the best distraction is more learning. I have my YouTube set to mostly learning skills and following incredible Life Coaches as well as Spiritual teachers. We all get to choose what will help us Grow. We must feed our minds with discipline and direction and people who can help us get to our next Level. I remember beginning again in 2013, I attended a Recovery Church Group and it was absolutely phenomenal. At that point and time I was not willing to be vulnerable. I remember people telling me that oftentimes we may not be able to see the clear picture of what our future would look like even if we thought we might know. 

PLEASE don’t let fear prevent you from doing what it is you were meant to do! If you know deep down what you are supposed to do, DO NOT ALLOW anyone you know or anyone else deter you from it! People will say and do anything to bring you down. People I thought truly would love and support me had not truly supported me in ways I had imagined they would. I’ll explain what I mean by this. In 2014, I walked into a Church that I believed I could really find good, supportive people and the Sermon scared the heck out of me. The Sermon was titled, “The Mirages we see”. Basically the Pastor of this Christian Secular Church (which by the way I love charismatic Churches, they are freeing and fun) had explained that some of us may believe we would have a Supporting Cast of people who would support us in our dreams and endeavors for our future and that we were dreaming of a Mirage like the ones on a road when we’re out in a desert. I was heartbroken and devastated hearing this, even if there may have been a bit of truth to it in my own Life, I had Always wanted a supporting family or ‘Cast’ as he had described to help me achieve the dreams I had dreamed of. Oh my gosh, so needless to say I walked out of that Church and did not return. I have witnessed so many people who had truly had Supportive family and friends that helped and supported them to Succeed towards their Careers. They said the right things, they provided the right Resources. It is humanly possible to have a Supporting Cast. I just had not ever been truly that lucky!