I know a few people who seem to be afraid of the word Love, or to love someone because they may be too busy loving themselves, or even to be loved by someone. You may ask ‘Why’, or I thought everyone wanted to be loved? I believe some people Love so much and so hard, that eventually they get tired of Loving. For me personally, I don’t want to ever not ‘Love’, yet I want to Love myself more now! I do not want to ‘People please’ any longer, or if I do, I want to do it to a Limit, or mostly for my work. Some people also think as giving Love as conditional, that everyone is expecting something back. Their way of being loved may be expected by their partners, or even their family and friends. I believe this is a partial truth, otherwise you are completely being used.
I have read the book, “The Five Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman, and it is a phenomenal and not ever more true book. I have also read countless relationship books, that almost seemed to say that relationships can eventually be one-sided. A good relationship must be autonomous and interdependent, not co-dependent. Both people need to be providing for themselves in order for it to be a stable enough union. I have been in numerous relationships in the past twelve years that wound up me being the major giver. Call me selfish. Call me conceited. Call me whatever, yet that’s how it happened for me. Maybe some people can related to this?! I do not ever want to be in a Codependent relationship again, where one person believes they can help or ‘fix’ the other person when they are struggling, only to have a sense of being ‘On Top of the World’, or proud of oneself for loving or giving so much to this other person, NO THANKS!!!
So what is the remedy or solution to making any relationship work? We must Learn and know the other person’s Love Language. I have found out what every person in my Life’ Love Language is, and I am going to be honest and vulnerable. I ABSOLUTELY cannot love these people. Their love language is mostly action. A few people in my life can handle ‘Words of Affirmation’, and that is good enough for them. Others like Quality time with one another.
I’m not expecting anything by sharing my top Love Languages. To me they are simple—kind, motivating, encouraging, uplifting supporting words, spending quality time by actually communicating and talking about various things, going out places (Oh no, spending money?!) and also giving and receiving Gifts. They don’t have to be extravagant Gifts, yet I still appreciate being thought of. I will admit that I have given gifts to a lot of people I have loved. I have never been appreciated or ‘hit the mark’ with them. I call these people ‘pretentious’ and have to have the best of everything, specifically from specific people at times. I am laughing and rolling my eyes. When people cannot be loved, it’s time to leave. I don’t mean to sound negative or cynical, yet it’s true. You could try most of your Life, turn blue in the face, and expend all your energy trying to please these people, and you won’t ever succeed sadly. Mostly these people will Only be able to Love and give to themselves. RUN like the wind from these people!!! I am speaking from experience!!!
I just talked to my sister and it’s evident that she absolutely will not allow just anyone into her World. Are all Christians that way? Do some people truly limit the amount of Love that they receive? Are people all about just loving themselves once they have done it for so long? To anyone who is trying so hard to get someone to allow you into their World or to be loved by someone: PLEASE look in the mirror and say right then and there, “I WILL LOVE MYSELF and not wait for an f’n Soul or other person to love me!” Say it! Mean it! Live it! If you think this is Selfish, so be it. It’s time to step out of other people’s Shadows and not be a People-pleaser!!!
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