I had mentioned in the Chapter about ‘‘Big Dreams…” that I often wanted to do what others may have been doing Career wise; although, I still somewhat stuck to my own Goals & Dreams of staying with being an Entrepreneur or Small Business owner. I disliked myself when I felt like I didn’t have the fire under my feet or the ability to focus on skill sets I may have needed for any one particular type of Job or Career. One of my brothers had told me, I would know when something was Right for me. It was the most positive thing anyone had ever said to me. Nonetheless, I still tried so many different avenues to see where and what I may have enjoyed and where I could serve and really give my all and passions to. I tried two trade Schools of both being a Travel Agent and being a Masseuse. I remember just as I was offered two Jobs in the travel Industry that I had already signed up for the AirForce in early 1998. I did not ever go back into the Travel Industry even though later I had thought I wanted to work for a Cruise Line. I had to have good management skills under my wings before I went to sea. My other trade that I pursued twice was becoming a Masseuse. The second Massage School I wound up attending, I wound up hurting my wrist and it still has aches and pains occasionally. I promise I am getting somewhere with all these experiences. There was a huuuuuge gap between the time I had left the Massage School in 2007 until it came to me like a Bolt of lightning that I needed to start writing a Self-development (and Memoir) book using all my experiences, trials, obstacles that I had faced. No matter what, I felt like I could BEGIN AGAIN! I had a few good ideas come to me to go back to School for Hospitality Management in mid-2014. I wound up attending College for a year and had a major Anxiety attack at the start of my second year. I had no one to talk to other than my mother about whether I wanted to go back. She tried to encourage me to go back, yet I had the idea of writing my Book and starting my own Business in the middle of my mind.  Wow, I didn’t realize that until right this VERY moment. I suppose I’m just realizing that four years after I had stopped College, I am PROUD of myself for FINALLY beginning again!!! 

At the end of 2019, I had about thirteen different creative Business ideas or small, short-term ventures I could try for. I needed to shorten the list because it was overwhelming. I finally chose two or three to REALLY focus on! Who says none of us can begin again? A person is truly Blessed if they can even get an idea to start their own Business. I have met so many people who had absolutely No idea of what they could do to make money or have a sustainable, successful, happy Life. We all deserve it!!! 

I owe a lot of thanks to certain people I followed on Instagram and YouTube for Coaching, motivating, encouraging me, helping me stay grounded and Wise-minded. To really try to learn and plan for how I would get to the next steps and Levels, things can take time and months to plan. I’ve been working EXTREMELY hard to get to the next Step. Learning new things is at the forefront of Success. THERE IS NO GETTING around not learning! It is a must! FOCUS can be difficult when you have other distractions, yet I am a firm believer, the best distraction is more learning. I have my YouTube set to mostly learning skills and following incredible Life Coaches as well as Spiritual teachers. We all get to choose what will help us Grow. We must feed our minds with discipline and direction and people who can help us get to our next Level. I remember beginning again in 2013, I attended a Recovery Church Group and it was absolutely phenomenal. At that point and time I was not willing to be vulnerable. I remember people telling me that oftentimes we may not be able to see the clear picture of what our future would look like even if we thought we might know. 

PLEASE don’t let fear prevent you from doing what it is you were meant to do! If you know deep down what you are supposed to do, DO NOT ALLOW anyone you know or anyone else deter you from it! People will say and do anything to bring you down. People I thought truly would love and support me had not truly supported me in ways I had imagined they would. I’ll explain what I mean by this. In 2014, I walked into a Church that I believed I could really find good, supportive people and the Sermon scared the heck out of me. The Sermon was titled, “The Mirages we see”. Basically the Pastor of this Christian Secular Church (which by the way I love charismatic Churches, they are freeing and fun) had explained that some of us may believe we would have a Supporting Cast of people who would support us in our dreams and endeavors for our future and that we were dreaming of a Mirage like the ones on a road when we’re out in a desert. I was heartbroken and devastated hearing this, even if there may have been a bit of truth to it in my own Life, I had Always wanted a supporting family or ‘Cast’ as he had described to help me achieve the dreams I had dreamed of. Oh my gosh, so needless to say I walked out of that Church and did not return. I have witnessed so many people who had truly had Supportive family and friends that helped and supported them to Succeed towards their Careers. They said the right things, they provided the right Resources. It is humanly possible to have a Supporting Cast. I just had not ever been truly that lucky!