Match Box cars and Barbie dolls were my two favorite toys to play with. Playing Dress up and watching the ‘Dukes of Hazard’ were highlights of my Life when our family lived in the Country. Nothing sticks out like the memory of playing Match box cars with my father and having a vivid memory of things I wanted to do when I “grew up”. I used to play School ‘teacher’ with my sister who is four years younger than me. She and I took turns planning lessons. So, my main three ideas or dreams of what I wanted to do with my Life, were to become a teacher, entrepreneur or actress. I was only five when I had these ideas. I do not believe I have ever had a close enough friendship with any of my female friends who ever said they had dreams of what they wanted to do at the age of five. Maybe I am putting myself on a pedestal here thinking I have IDEAS above and beyond what anyone else could ever accomplish, yet I know that isn’t true. There are many GREATS that have accomplished far more than me. Needless to say, I have had a fear of failure and also of Success which I’ll explain later. Remember, this is my truth, this is my story, this is my mind. All of what I write has only ever been told to my mother really.
In 1995, about a year after I finally graduated from High School, I finally set out to try to become an entrepreneur and attend Community College majoring in Business Administration. I would continue to pursue my Business degree at a couple more Colleges from 2000 to 2003 and still did not graduate from either College. My mind always wound up thinking about the next best thing or Career I thought I could conquer. I compared myself to other people in my Life. I wanted to do what they did.
So now in the year 2020, I may say, I didn’t ever imagine that all new ideas would come to me. Although, I have one major idea that has stuck with me for the past 6 or 7 years and perhaps all of my Life and that was that I wanted to write and possibly put a book out about the adventures of my Life and to also help others realize that we all make mistakes, we may all have regrets about choices we didn’t follow up on or continue to pursue, that we gave up on too soon. I wrote plays when I was probably twelve to maybe eighteen years old and my sister, her best friend at the time and I used to act them out. Now, maybe a little more passionately than who that young girl was, I want to help people realize their Gifts and potential. So many people doubt themselves because of other people telling them they can’t and that it would be too hard. All of those are false thoughts. The people who tell you these things are just afraid to do anything themselves. They do not take time to plan, educate, learn something new or pursue a higher Goal or purpose, not just for others, but for themselves, to feel a GREAT sense of accomplishment. This Life is not always all about us, it is about others as well. The greatest feeling is realizing you did something good. Self-care is so important. I have learned that as well because I felt I gave my all to other people (mostly men that I thought I knew how to fix or Love) and needed to Take care of me first.
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