“You won’t be able to walk away from me forever”, my father yelled after me when I had my final straw of his mentally and verbally abusing my mothers name to me. Ugh! I was twenty-one years old and decided I needed to find a man that I could possibly enjoy Life with. I was not having fun or loving Life and my relationship any longer with the first man in my Life. My father was a provider, a protector. He took me to doctor’s appointments. He took me shopping for School clothes. Ugh! I may just be a spoiled Daddy’s girl. For the record, there are many of us out there and as much I feel I don’t owe an apology to anyone who did not get the luxury of having a “good enough” or giving enough father figure out there, I am truly sorry. I have had many female friends who did not have a good enough Role model of a father and I had some friends that did have that Blessing. Everyone has their vision or definition of what that may mean. So needless to say, I made a decision to walk away from toxicity. Funny enough, as I would have to do later on in my Life. I had to walk away from abuse. I had to learn to give up the fairy tale of thinking someone could and would Save me. This ‘Saving me’ reminds me of one of my favorite well-known Life Coaches, Mel Robbins says in many of her YouTube videos, “No ones coming to Save you!” HA. Thanks Mel! <3
Fairytales are GREAT. They allow you to open up your imagination. Some of them I even believed were real and possible. I suppose in some ‘small’ way that the goodness that may have come from the Happy endings could make anyone believe that the same thing would happen to them. This is EXACTLY how I felt with the book ‘Cinderella’. I really do not want to talk about it, other than I feel like a fool. I had read so many times that ‘Good things don’t last forever.’ I just ignored that it could not. I thought ‘Good things will come to those who Believe’, and I swear I didn’t steal that line. HA! I truly believed I’d have my Companionship and Happily Ever after Marriage. Oh my gosh, I disliked anyone who said that marriage was bad. I am rolling my eyes. Marriage really is not bad, it’s A LIFE LESSON! It’s Only bad if it’s abusive or one or both partners become selfish, yet there is room to heal. There’s room to Grow. You have to pick yourself up and Get out there and rediscover yourself. I may be one of the few people in the World that was grateful for my marriage. Everything to me is a learning and a growing opportunity. I believe we all must experience things in order to become a better version of ourselves.
My first and Only husband (as I had not had any luck finding another husband after my divorce from him) was truly my second Knight and Shining armor. Go ahead, laugh. I laugh at myself as well. He was my dream man, yet maybe not in the way of good looking as I may have thought so many celebrity males that I found attractive or may have dreamed of being with someone who “looked a certain way”. By the way, I didn’t ever get that lucky to date a good looking enough man. I dated average looking men. HA!
Some people get their “Once in a Lifetime” relationship. I succeeded. I won. I got it! And then it was time for a new Chapter. I finally closed the Search on the Chapter of finding the “Perfect man” after sixteen years of looking. I FINALLY realized, I am who I was always looking for. That’s Growth! That’s “finding Perfect”.
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