The “Perfect” Man?

The “Perfect” Man?

by | Apr 8, 2020 | Relationships, Self Improvement

“You won’t be able to walk away from me forever”, my father yelled after me when I had my final straw of his mentally and verbally abusing my mothers name to me. Ugh! I was twenty-one years old and decided I needed to find a man that I could possibly enjoy Life with. I was not having fun or loving Life and my relationship any longer with the first man in my Life. My father was a provider, a protector. He took me to doctor’s appointments. He took me shopping for School clothes. Ugh! I may just be a spoiled Daddy’s girl. For the record, there are many of us out there and as much I feel I don’t owe an apology to anyone who did not get the luxury of having a “good enough” or giving enough father figure out there, I am truly sorry. I have had many female friends who did not have a good enough Role model of a father and I had some friends that did have that Blessing. Everyone has their vision or definition of what that may mean. So needless to say, I made a decision to walk away from toxicity. Funny enough, as I would have to do later on in my Life. I had to walk away from abuse. I had to learn to give up the fairy tale of thinking someone could and would Save me. This ‘Saving me’ reminds me of one of my favorite well-known Life Coaches, Mel Robbins says in many of her YouTube videos, “No ones coming to Save you!” HA. Thanks Mel! <3  

Fairytales are GREAT. They allow you to open up your imagination. Some of them I even believed were real and possible. I suppose in some ‘small’ way that the goodness that may have come from the Happy endings could make anyone believe that the same thing would happen to them. This is EXACTLY how I felt with the book ‘Cinderella’. I really do not want to talk about it, other than I feel like a fool. I had read so many times that ‘Good things don’t last forever.’ I just ignored that it could not. I thought ‘Good things will come to those who Believe’, and I swear I didn’t steal that line. HA! I truly believed I’d have my Companionship and Happily Ever after Marriage. Oh my gosh, I disliked anyone who said that marriage was bad. I am rolling my eyes. Marriage really is not bad, it’s A LIFE LESSON! It’s Only bad if it’s abusive or one or both partners become selfish, yet there is room to heal. There’s room to Grow. You have to pick yourself up and Get out there and rediscover yourself. I may be one of the few people in the World that was grateful for my marriage. Everything to me is a learning and a growing opportunity. I believe we all must experience things in order to become a better version of ourselves. 

My first and Only husband (as I had not had any luck finding another husband after my divorce from him) was truly my second Knight and Shining armor. Go ahead, laugh. I laugh at myself as well. He was my dream man, yet maybe not in the way of good looking as I may have thought so many celebrity males that I found attractive or may have dreamed of being with someone who “looked a certain way”. By the way, I didn’t ever get that lucky to date a good looking enough man. I dated average looking men. HA! 

Some people get their “Once in a Lifetime” relationship. I succeeded. I won. I got it! And then it was time for a new Chapter. I finally closed the Search on the Chapter of finding the “Perfect man” after sixteen years of looking. I FINALLY realized, I am who I was always looking for. That’s Growth! That’s “finding Perfect”. 

Big Dreams at a Young Age

Big Dreams at a Young Age

by | Apr 8, 2020 | Living Your Dreams, Self Development

Match Box cars and Barbie dolls were my two favorite toys to play with. Playing Dress up and watching the ‘Dukes of Hazard’ were highlights of my Life when our family lived in the Country. Nothing sticks out like the memory of playing Match box cars with my father and having a vivid memory of things I wanted to do when I “grew up”. I used to play School ‘teacher’ with my sister who is four years younger than me. She and I took turns planning lessons. So, my main three ideas or dreams of what I wanted to do with my Life, were to become a teacher, entrepreneur or actress. I was only five when I had these ideas. I do not believe I have ever had a close enough friendship with any of my female friends who ever said they had dreams of what they wanted to do at the age of five. Maybe I am putting myself on a pedestal here thinking I have IDEAS above and beyond what anyone else could ever accomplish, yet I know that isn’t true. There are many GREATS that have accomplished far more than me. Needless to say, I have had a fear of failure and also of Success which I’ll explain later. Remember, this is my truth, this is my story, this is my mind. All of what I write has only ever been told to my mother really. 

In 1995, about a year after I finally graduated from High School, I finally set out to try to become an entrepreneur and attend Community College majoring in Business Administration. I would continue to pursue my Business degree at a couple more Colleges from 2000 to 2003 and still did not graduate from either College. My mind always wound up thinking about the next best thing or Career I thought I could conquer. I compared myself to other people in my Life. I wanted to do what they did. 

So now in the year 2020, I may say, I didn’t ever imagine that all new ideas would come to me. Although, I have one major idea that has stuck with me for the past 6 or 7 years and perhaps all of my Life and that was that I wanted to write and possibly put a book out about the adventures of my Life and to also help others realize that we all make mistakes, we may all have regrets about choices we didn’t follow up on or continue to pursue, that we gave up on too soon. I wrote plays when I was probably twelve to maybe eighteen years old and my sister, her best friend at the time and I used to act them out. Now, maybe a little more passionately than who that young girl was, I want to help people realize their Gifts and potential. So many people doubt themselves because of other people telling them they can’t and that it would be too hard. All of those are false thoughts. The people who tell you these things are just afraid to do anything themselves. They do not take time to plan, educate, learn something new or pursue a higher Goal or purpose, not just for others, but for themselves, to feel a GREAT sense of accomplishment. This Life is not always all about us, it is about others as well. The greatest feeling is realizing you did something good. Self-care is so important. I have learned that as well because I felt I gave my all to other people (mostly men that I thought I knew how to fix or Love) and needed to Take care of me first.