Core Values I hold on to

by | Sep 21, 2020 | Mentoring, Self Care, Self Development

This is just something extra I thought I would add that means a lot to me. All of these values hold some meaning and significance to me. All of these take practice in my eyes and not all of them can be perfected, yet we can do and try our best. Also, we have to believe that we are some of these already or already hold some of these dear to us already. Maybe we learned them from our parents, siblings, or even other friends and mentors. I believe in holding true to my Values in order to have a Life worth Loving!!! 

Assertive  (needs work)                                                 Patience

Awareness                                                                        Peace

Beauty                                                                                Power

Courage/Bravery                                                             Productivity

Certainty                                                                            Prosperity

Clarity                                                                                Purpose

Common Sense                                                                Results-Oriented

Communication                                                              Service

Collaborationg (ideas)                                                   Sharing

Competence/Abilities                                                   Security

Confidence                                                                       Significance

Connection                                                                       Spirituality

Curiosity                                                                           Strength/Vitality

Determination                                                                 Success

Empathy/Feelings                                                          Thankful/Gratitude

Empower/Inspire                                                           Transparent/Vulnerable/Authentic

Energy                                                                              Truth                           

Enjoyment/Pleasure/Adventure/Explore                Understanding

Excellence                                                                        Uniqueness/Openness

Focus                                                                                 Unity

Growth/Learning                                                             Vision/Perspective

Harmony                                                                            Wisdom

Health

Hope

Inquistive

Intelligence

Leadership

Love

Loyalty

Motivation

Optimism

Organization

Having Different Perspectives

Having Different Perspectives

by | Jun 10, 2020 | Self Care, Self Development, Self Improvement

About four years ago I took a two-day Course in Customer Service Problem Solving Skills and how to deal with Upset Customers and in the Course I remember we had to look at several pictures that had two or three different pictures within one drawing and another that had several hidden items within a picture. Both of these exercises were used to help us see or gain a different perspective to how things are drawn or even sometimes written into something. It is more difficult for us to understand what someone’s meaning is if they don’t fully explain it. What I mean by this is that people speak incompletely. I often called it speaking in riddles. Two particular members of my family would leave things out or not explain their full meanings to something. I was supposed to automatically know what they meant. I am laughing out loud. I have had to think hard and Research and analyze what other people have meant. Can you see me rolling my eyes? 

I recently had a member of my family explain the difference between someone who is Logical and someone who may be too emotional to understand what they mean by something. What I find funny is that when this person played a Ted Talks video on the keys to using facts versus emotions, that within that same Video, it talked about having different perspectives. Nowhere in this tough discussion with this family member did they recognize that. I came to the Conclusion from our discussion that I was the only one who would be able to see their perspective and yet they could not see mine. Head tilt. Bottom line, apparently emotions are not facts. Why couldn’t they just say that? Shrugging it off. How does one have a discussion with someone who is logical and not empathic? Is it possible? 

When I talk about emotions not being fact; to me, all emotions are Valid. It does not mean that another person will take them as Real. Why? Because they can not and are not able to put themselves into your shoes. Because they did not go through what you went through emotionally, things that could have traumatized us or left us feeling abandoned. Empathic people are the Only ones who are able to do this. My emotions were not ever allowed to truly be shown growing up and even now as an Adult sadly. In psychology, therapists talk about this not being seen or even heard. That nothing we said would ever be validated or understood or shown Compassion and to help us work through and identify where our behaviors could be modified. 

Perhaps Interview empathic people who have different perspectives. 

Loving Myself and Gaining My Power

Loving Myself and Gaining My Power

by | May 10, 2020 | Self Care, Self Development

There are so many things and people that have distracted me from my Dreams, Goals and from what I REALLY wanted to contribute to others. I believe that we all have it within us to contribute, add value and Love into people’s lives. Giving and Loving adds an impressionable change or shift in the Lives of others. I have observed people who can choose a Career that they have wanted to do for the rest of their lives and some people who did not know at all or who have changed Career paths. I have been so EXTREMELY distracted since my early twenties. I really truly believed I needed someone alongside me, a companion, a forever friend. I believed I would meet people who would be aligned with the same dreams and goals that I wanted to accomplish in Life; a Supporting Cast so to speak, a team of people all working on the same thing. I have learned the hard way and over the Course of twenty-three years that that just was not going to happen for me. I am my Biggest cheerleader. My Only optimist. The only person who listens to me. The only one who truly knows what it is that I have to give. It’s a shame that no one else has really been able to see that about me. It’s a shame that I have not ever been truly heard or understood either. Oh no, we are not allowed to bring emotions and feelings into the mix, “to be understood”. Isn’t that what we all crave or want? To be heard and seen?! 

There is no greater truth than having a sense of Power and control over our lives. So much goes into having this Power. Words such as having confidence, assurance of ourselves, knowing what we bring to the table by learning and educating ourselves. We all have to gain Life experiences and make mistakes to strive for excellence; to become better versions of ourselves. No one should take your Power away and we should not allow them to either!!! Being resilient or to not allow our thoughts and emotions to get the best of us. Thoughts and emotions can definitely hold us back from using our Gifts and giving away what we have to offer; using our true Power to make and enrich our Lives and the lives of others. I have hoped and prayed for resiliency, to not allow my emotions and losses get the best of me. Sometimes I can push emotions so far down and not even realize I didn’t deal with them. I have had to Let Go, to TOTALLY release them! It is such a cleansing Process. To be able to Let Go of the people, thoughts, and things that no longer have served me. 

Love me, how?

Love me, how?

by | Apr 10, 2020 | Life Experience, Relationships, Self Development, Self Improvement

    I know a few people who seem to be afraid of the word Love, or to love someone because they may be too busy loving themselves, or even to be loved by someone. You may ask ‘Why’, or I thought everyone wanted to be loved? I believe some people Love so much and so hard, that eventually they get tired of Loving. For me personally, I don’t want to ever not ‘Love’, yet I want to Love myself more now! I do not want to ‘People please’ any longer, or if I do, I want to do it to a Limit, or mostly for my work. Some people also think as giving Love as conditional, that everyone is expecting something back. Their way of being loved may be expected by their partners, or even their family and friends. I believe this is a partial truth, otherwise you are completely being used. 

    I have read the book, “The Five Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman, and it is a phenomenal and not ever more true book. I have also read countless relationship books, that almost seemed to say that relationships can eventually be one-sided. A good relationship must be autonomous and interdependent, not co-dependent. Both people need to be providing for themselves in order for it to be a stable enough union. I have been in numerous relationships in the past twelve years that wound up me being the major giver. Call me selfish. Call me conceited. Call me whatever, yet that’s how it happened for me. Maybe some people can related to this?! I do not ever want to be in a Codependent relationship again, where one person believes they can help or ‘fix’ the other person when they are struggling, only to have a sense of being ‘On Top of the World’, or proud of oneself for loving or giving so much to this other person, NO THANKS!!! 

    So what is the remedy or solution to making any relationship work? We must Learn and know the other person’s Love Language. I have found out what every person in my Life’ Love Language is, and I am going to be honest and vulnerable. I ABSOLUTELY cannot love these people. Their love language is mostly action. A few people in my life can handle ‘Words of Affirmation’, and that is good enough for them. Others like Quality time with one another. 

    I’m not expecting anything by sharing my top Love Languages. To me they are simple—kind, motivating, encouraging, uplifting supporting words, spending quality time by actually communicating and talking about various things, going out places (Oh no, spending money?!) and also giving and receiving Gifts. They don’t have to be extravagant Gifts, yet I still appreciate being thought of. I will admit that I have given gifts to a lot of people I have loved. I have never been appreciated or ‘hit the mark’ with them. I call these people ‘pretentious’ and have to have the best of everything, specifically from specific people at times. I am laughing and rolling my eyes. When people cannot be loved, it’s time to leave. I don’t mean to sound negative or cynical, yet it’s true. You could try most of your Life, turn blue in the face, and expend all your energy trying to please these people, and you won’t ever succeed sadly. Mostly these people will Only be able to Love and give to themselves. RUN like the wind from these people!!! I am speaking from experience!!! 

   I just talked to my sister and it’s evident that she absolutely will not allow just anyone into her World. Are all Christians that way? Do some people truly limit the amount of Love that they receive? Are people all about just loving themselves once they have done it for so long? To anyone who is trying so hard to get someone to allow you into their World or to be loved by someone: PLEASE look in the mirror and say right then and there, “I WILL LOVE MYSELF and not wait for an f’n Soul or other person to love me!” Say it! Mean it! Live it! If you think this is Selfish, so be it. It’s time to step out of other people’s Shadows and not be a People-pleaser!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Always TRY again!

Always TRY again!

by | Apr 10, 2020 | Life Experience, Self Development

I had mentioned in the Chapter about ‘‘Big Dreams…” that I often wanted to do what others may have been doing Career wise; although, I still somewhat stuck to my own Goals & Dreams of staying with being an Entrepreneur or Small Business owner. I disliked myself when I felt like I didn’t have the fire under my feet or the ability to focus on skill sets I may have needed for any one particular type of Job or Career. One of my brothers had told me, I would know when something was Right for me. It was the most positive thing anyone had ever said to me. Nonetheless, I still tried so many different avenues to see where and what I may have enjoyed and where I could serve and really give my all and passions to. I tried two trade Schools of both being a Travel Agent and being a Masseuse. I remember just as I was offered two Jobs in the travel Industry that I had already signed up for the AirForce in early 1998. I did not ever go back into the Travel Industry even though later I had thought I wanted to work for a Cruise Line. I had to have good management skills under my wings before I went to sea. My other trade that I pursued twice was becoming a Masseuse. The second Massage School I wound up attending, I wound up hurting my wrist and it still has aches and pains occasionally. I promise I am getting somewhere with all these experiences. There was a huuuuuge gap between the time I had left the Massage School in 2007 until it came to me like a Bolt of lightning that I needed to start writing a Self-development (and Memoir) book using all my experiences, trials, obstacles that I had faced. No matter what, I felt like I could BEGIN AGAIN! I had a few good ideas come to me to go back to School for Hospitality Management in mid-2014. I wound up attending College for a year and had a major Anxiety attack at the start of my second year. I had no one to talk to other than my mother about whether I wanted to go back. She tried to encourage me to go back, yet I had the idea of writing my Book and starting my own Business in the middle of my mind.  Wow, I didn’t realize that until right this VERY moment. I suppose I’m just realizing that four years after I had stopped College, I am PROUD of myself for FINALLY beginning again!!! 

At the end of 2019, I had about thirteen different creative Business ideas or small, short-term ventures I could try for. I needed to shorten the list because it was overwhelming. I finally chose two or three to REALLY focus on! Who says none of us can begin again? A person is truly Blessed if they can even get an idea to start their own Business. I have met so many people who had absolutely No idea of what they could do to make money or have a sustainable, successful, happy Life. We all deserve it!!! 

I owe a lot of thanks to certain people I followed on Instagram and YouTube for Coaching, motivating, encouraging me, helping me stay grounded and Wise-minded. To really try to learn and plan for how I would get to the next steps and Levels, things can take time and months to plan. I’ve been working EXTREMELY hard to get to the next Step. Learning new things is at the forefront of Success. THERE IS NO GETTING around not learning! It is a must! FOCUS can be difficult when you have other distractions, yet I am a firm believer, the best distraction is more learning. I have my YouTube set to mostly learning skills and following incredible Life Coaches as well as Spiritual teachers. We all get to choose what will help us Grow. We must feed our minds with discipline and direction and people who can help us get to our next Level. I remember beginning again in 2013, I attended a Recovery Church Group and it was absolutely phenomenal. At that point and time I was not willing to be vulnerable. I remember people telling me that oftentimes we may not be able to see the clear picture of what our future would look like even if we thought we might know. 

PLEASE don’t let fear prevent you from doing what it is you were meant to do! If you know deep down what you are supposed to do, DO NOT ALLOW anyone you know or anyone else deter you from it! People will say and do anything to bring you down. People I thought truly would love and support me had not truly supported me in ways I had imagined they would. I’ll explain what I mean by this. In 2014, I walked into a Church that I believed I could really find good, supportive people and the Sermon scared the heck out of me. The Sermon was titled, “The Mirages we see”. Basically the Pastor of this Christian Secular Church (which by the way I love charismatic Churches, they are freeing and fun) had explained that some of us may believe we would have a Supporting Cast of people who would support us in our dreams and endeavors for our future and that we were dreaming of a Mirage like the ones on a road when we’re out in a desert. I was heartbroken and devastated hearing this, even if there may have been a bit of truth to it in my own Life, I had Always wanted a supporting family or ‘Cast’ as he had described to help me achieve the dreams I had dreamed of. Oh my gosh, so needless to say I walked out of that Church and did not return. I have witnessed so many people who had truly had Supportive family and friends that helped and supported them to Succeed towards their Careers. They said the right things, they provided the right Resources. It is humanly possible to have a Supporting Cast. I just had not ever been truly that lucky! 

Big Dreams at a Young Age

Big Dreams at a Young Age

by | Apr 8, 2020 | Living Your Dreams, Self Development

Match Box cars and Barbie dolls were my two favorite toys to play with. Playing Dress up and watching the ‘Dukes of Hazard’ were highlights of my Life when our family lived in the Country. Nothing sticks out like the memory of playing Match box cars with my father and having a vivid memory of things I wanted to do when I “grew up”. I used to play School ‘teacher’ with my sister who is four years younger than me. She and I took turns planning lessons. So, my main three ideas or dreams of what I wanted to do with my Life, were to become a teacher, entrepreneur or actress. I was only five when I had these ideas. I do not believe I have ever had a close enough friendship with any of my female friends who ever said they had dreams of what they wanted to do at the age of five. Maybe I am putting myself on a pedestal here thinking I have IDEAS above and beyond what anyone else could ever accomplish, yet I know that isn’t true. There are many GREATS that have accomplished far more than me. Needless to say, I have had a fear of failure and also of Success which I’ll explain later. Remember, this is my truth, this is my story, this is my mind. All of what I write has only ever been told to my mother really. 

In 1995, about a year after I finally graduated from High School, I finally set out to try to become an entrepreneur and attend Community College majoring in Business Administration. I would continue to pursue my Business degree at a couple more Colleges from 2000 to 2003 and still did not graduate from either College. My mind always wound up thinking about the next best thing or Career I thought I could conquer. I compared myself to other people in my Life. I wanted to do what they did. 

So now in the year 2020, I may say, I didn’t ever imagine that all new ideas would come to me. Although, I have one major idea that has stuck with me for the past 6 or 7 years and perhaps all of my Life and that was that I wanted to write and possibly put a book out about the adventures of my Life and to also help others realize that we all make mistakes, we may all have regrets about choices we didn’t follow up on or continue to pursue, that we gave up on too soon. I wrote plays when I was probably twelve to maybe eighteen years old and my sister, her best friend at the time and I used to act them out. Now, maybe a little more passionately than who that young girl was, I want to help people realize their Gifts and potential. So many people doubt themselves because of other people telling them they can’t and that it would be too hard. All of those are false thoughts. The people who tell you these things are just afraid to do anything themselves. They do not take time to plan, educate, learn something new or pursue a higher Goal or purpose, not just for others, but for themselves, to feel a GREAT sense of accomplishment. This Life is not always all about us, it is about others as well. The greatest feeling is realizing you did something good. Self-care is so important. I have learned that as well because I felt I gave my all to other people (mostly men that I thought I knew how to fix or Love) and needed to Take care of me first.